The main topic of conversation in the mom crowd for the last couple of months goes something like this . . .

Mom 1: “What are you doing this summer?”

Mom 2: “Surviving”

Mom 1: “I hear that.”

Me too! But ya’ll, I want more! I mean, some days, we are just surviving but I don’t want “surviving” to sum up my summer plans.

I want to say (and believe it too!), “We’re going to kill it this summer. We’re going to do all the fun things. We’re going to play hard and rest hard. We’re going to be present. It’s not going to be perfect but we’re going to THRIVE.”

But a week and a half of being home with Elle and I’m not feeling as optimistic. We’ve been together all of our awake hours for 10 days now and today was not pretty. Today she wanted to follow me from room to room.  She wanted me to color (the exact colors in the exact spots and I better get it right or risk total toddler meltdown), to restring her necklace, to get her granola bars, cheese sticks, tic tacs and gum (all right after a huge breakfast) and the list goes on and on. (Side note: Does anyone have tips for getting a toddler to drink water? She will go all day without but of course this means she’s “starving” all day?!)

I wanted to breathe. I wanted to not be touched. I wanted to sit and stare at the wall, or my phone or the sky. I needed quiet and maybe even a good cry. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

I felt overwhelmed. Like I might explode from the inside out.

And I realized that I can’t do 10 days in a row with no breaks. I just can’t. In order to enjoy my kids, I need time to myself.

I NEED (like really need in order to be the mom I want to be) time away. I’m not talking about getting out of the house after they’re in bed or before they’re awake, those are good. But I need other time. Time that feels like a luxury. Time that feels like I’m really doing something for myself. I need to ask for help from grandparents when I can. I need to pay a sitter when necessary. I need to tell Luke that I have to get away when he’s home . . . I mean, family time is important too but sometimes, he’s my only option for getting away.

So this summer, we are going to thrive. Thriving for us means lots of crazy, fun times together and plenty of quiet time apart.

And there is nothing wrong with that.

Needing to get away doesn’t mean that I love my kids less or that I’m not a good mom. It doesn’t mean my kids are particularly difficult (they’re actually WAY above average in all departments, not that I’m prejudice at all).

So mama’s, please remember that. I know that they are everything. But so are you. You are everything to them. Take care of yourself. It might be the best thing you can do for them. Taking care of yourself means that you value you, your littles and your family. I feel like this might be what all kids want in their families.

Parenting, it turns out, is much like my parents said it would be. Imagine that, my parents were right. Insert eye rolls from all the grandparents.

It’s full of paradoxes.

Every afternoon, I can’t wait for bedtime. I count down the minutes. Some days I pour myself a glass of wine at 4pm because, well, you know why. I put them to bed, hightail it out of the room and crash, hard.

Thirty minutes later, Luke and I are talking about them. How Fleet held CMac today. They looked at each other, this big 8 year old, awkwardly holding an almost 1 year old and Fleet said, “Hey CMac” in the sweetest voice on the planet and then kissed him on the head. How Luke gave (not loaned) his allowance to Fleet so that he could buy a book he wanted. How much they love karate and how cool it is that Luke is loving learning an Elvis Presley song on piano. How Elle knows that we are talking about her even when we are trying to be sneaky about it. They way she tells us “You’re a good, good mama/daddy” or “You’re a bad, bad mama/daddy” based on how she’s feeling toward us at the moment. And the baby’s endless supply of smiles.

Ya’ll, WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? How are they so stinking perfect, exhausting, overwhelming and crazy fun at the same time????? How can I want nothing more than to spend all my time with them and yet deeply need to get away?

So, yes, I got off on a tangent there. Summer. Tips for survival:

1. Schedule time away.

2. Have healthy snacks and limits on when we are eating. Otherwise they will ask me constantly for food.

3. Fill water bottles for everyone, each morning. Bottle must be empty and refilled after lunch or no more food.

4. Clean up messes before making new messes.

5. Screen time limits-I think I will be limiting screen time for the big kids to when the little’s are napping.

6. Get everyone to create a wish list of what they want to do this summer and do our best to make those things happen.

7. Don’t forget to brush teeth! Anyone else forget to remind their kids to do this on weekends?!

What are your summer plans?