How is it 2020? I keep wanting to say 2019, not because I’m forgetful (though I am) but because the year flew by so fast, it can’t possibly be over.

If you’ve been following along, first, I want to tell you that I’ve missed you these last couple of months. I’ve been prioritizing the holidays and that toddler life. Second, you probably know that I appreciate New Years resolutions. In my most recent newsletter, I briefly mentioned my past resolutions as well as my focus for this year. (Email me if you’ like to receive the newsletter laurenskijones@gmail.com)

Before I dive in here, let me say, if you need a change or have something in your life that you’d like to focus on, don’t wait until some arbitrary date, get started asap.

Over the years I’ve made all kinds of resolutions from quitting nail biting to traveling to working on relationships. I want to tell y’all a little about what I’ve done the last few years and what each resolution has looked like. My hope is that you might find something useful to your unique journey. I see this as a three part series so stay tuned for more.

Since becoming a mother, every year has brought so much newness. Each year’s resolution is a reflection of my deepest struggle at the time.  I’ve found it useful to focus on one area each year.

So in 2018, fueled by loneliness and a deep desire for connection, I resolved to work on my friendships. I didn’t have a clear picture of my end-goal nor a step-by-step plan (we are talking relationships here and not a practical skill that can necessarily be taught). This was an intuitive endeavor and it is only in hindsight that I can see what allowed my friendships to grow.

I think it’s common for many new mothers to lose touch with their friends. I was no exception. I was overwhelmed with life and love and truly had no idea how to navigate all of it (honesty check: sometimes, I still don’t). Some of my friends had kids, some didn’t. We would try to get together but the kids were sick or it was nap time or it was my only day off or I was just exhausted and hadn’t adjusted my expectations to what this new version of life looked like.  And just when I started to get comfortable with my new baby, he changed. He started crawling, walking, talking and then he had a brother and a sister and another brother. Oh my. All of a sudden my life was flipped on its head and friendships took a back burner while I settled into motherhood (and my job and my marriage and my house and and and).

With the exception of my closest friend, I saw most people about twice a year, usually for a baby shower or kid’s birthday party. I knew that if I was going to deepen my friendships, I was going to have to let some things go like waiting for the timing to be perfect or having a clean house or wishing my kids were less tough to handle. I was also going to have to push harder, which I’ll explain in a minute.

So I started by saying yes to things like play dates after school and trips to the beach. No matter the state of my house, life, dinner plans or kids behavior, we went for it. I accepted help which might sound crazy because, I mean, what mother of 4 wouldn’t accept help?  But this was difficult for the perfectionist in me. I had attached being a good mom to being able to do it all on my own. And honestly, I could do it all on my own but at a cost to my happiness and the happiness of my children. I have amazing friends who had been offering to help me for years so I finally started accepting. I also started pushing hard for girls nights. These were so easy before kids. Now they required checking with husbands and babysitters and kids schedules. They’re often quite difficult to arrange but they are LIFE.

There is no perfect formula when it comes to something like relationships. There was no guarantee of the connection that I desired. It is only in hindsight that I can see the changes that I made which have greatly improved my quality of life. These sisters are a non-negotiable part of my life now. There is no going back to the loneliness and overwhelm that I felt before. Every single life in my house (where my most treasured people live) is better because of this change. My kids have friends that are like cousins and my husband has guys to talk guy things with like boats and tools and how amazing their wives are.

We now have regular impromptu dinners at my messy house where we all bring a random assortment of food. I now know that one of my BFs snores SO loudly. There is no sharing a room with that one on trips. I now have friends who help each other decide on outfits for those events when you have no idea what to wear, who bring soup when we are sick, who pick kids up from school when tires are flat. We cry together over craft brews and red wine, we make plans to make the world a better place, we love each other more and more and more.

You know who you are and girl, you are LOVE.

Whether your “thing” is friendship or money management or learning how to crochet or what-ever-it-is, don’t wait for the timing to be perfect, for all the stars to align, to have read all the books or taken all the classes, JUMP in, imperfectly, with passion and intention.

xo, Lauren

No promises but stay tuned for the next two resolutions.