I had some fun writing this one. I mean, sometimes I do actually get mad about the things listed below but when I started listing them, I had to laugh because well, it is kinda funny. And totally unimportant. And life is better when you laugh.

Here are the nice things we can’t have:

1. Walls. From about my waist down to the floor, they’re filthy. My kids think they need to touch the walls as they walk through the house.

2. Blinds. We have floor to ceiling windows across the front of our house. You might drive by and wonder if anyone is living here. That’s because my kids have wrestled, wrangled and almost totally demolished the blinds on the front of my house. Some of them work, some of the don’t. A few slats are broken, others are just slanted. (See picture above) And I can’t bring myself to replace them until they’re old enough to at least be minimally conscious of the words “careful” or “gentle.” So, like 20ish more years? Sorry, neighbors.

3. Matching dishes and silverware. I have a serious question for you guys, Where do the teaspoons go???!!! I have an eclectic selection of white-ish dishes and we eat cereal with tablespoons.

4. Lamp shades. They’re too fragile, y’all. Someone needs to find a way to make these out of beautiful, linen-like titanium.

5. House plants. And no, this isn’t entirely related to my watering routine, or lack thereof. My kids build forts and clip their blankets onto them and over them. The leaves of my plants are shredded. But they aren’t dead yet and I’m an eternal optimist, so, they stay.

6. Glass anything. Windows, doors, coffee table (yes I have one and yes it’s filthy), bathroom mirrors. 60 fingers live here.

7. White Chairs. Whyyyyy do I have white chairs? They are clean for 5 minutes, 4x a year after washing. Well done, me.

8. A yard. Our yard is perfect for 4 kids. It’s huge and un-landscaped. And covered in at least 56 toys at all times.

9. Cars. I really should stop allowing food in the car but sometimes a granola bar buys me 5 minutes of quiet.

In conclusion, I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything except maybe a nice set of dishes.