I’m finding myself with less and less time to keep up this blog in a way that serves myself and you.

I keep thinking that as Charlie Mac (and the other kids too but toddlers are V demanding) gets older, I will have more time and greater capacity to feel, contemplate and write.

To write, I need mental and emotional space…a little freedom…time. I need a minute to reflect and to dream. In the rare moments that I have this, without effort, I begin composing in my mind. The words just flow through my head.

Lately, amid the new found worries associated with Covid and the fact that it’s summertime and we are all home, these moments are fewer are farther between. I miss them. And I think I am correct in assuming and hoping that I will one day have them again, but I don’t really know.

I found myself in the shower the other day saying to myself, “Just one more year, Lauren. Just one more year til Charlie Mac is 4 and things will get a lot easier.” (Everyone talks to themselves, right?! Lol)

Four is a big year for independence. They start to figure out their place in the family. Some of the battles like eating, sleeping and potty training ease up.

But I don’t want to wish this year away. 3 year olds are still such babies. All of their words are so sweet, the stories they tell are nonsensical and amazing, they toddle when they walk and run. Much of the world is still new to them. It’s incredible to watch their minds get bigger.

I guess what I’m saying is that 10 years and 4 kids into motherhood, it’s still hard for me to find a rhythm where most of the needs are well taken care of. They change, the world changes, I change so quickly that all of my reflections these days are on how to serve everyone. And I’m not talking about serving meals but of serving souls.

So I’m keeping this blog live. I’ll post when I can. I miss you all and have 100s of post swirling around in my head. One day, I may or may not put pen to paper but for now I’m trying to put my eyes to the hearts of those closest to me.